We are all control freaks. Until we aren’t anymore.
I love the movie, “When Harry Met Sally”. I can’t help myself but at least it’s a conscious decision. I simply love romatic comedies, “ro-cos'”, becasue we know how they are going to end. Love always wins.
Been through, on both ends, some challenging relatonships. Once I started to understand the Master Key System, I made a conscious decision to watch “ro-co’s”, [or rom-coms as The Fabulous Davene never fails to correct me], because, at heart, I am a hopeful romatic, [why be a hopeless romatic?], who understood, somehow, that long term humor needs to be a factor.
So I started focusing on them…..watching them over and over and over as I drifted off to sleep after doing my reading and studying of the ‘world within’. Made a conscious decision to focus on romance and love instead of “relationship” ……hey, if Haanel was right and we manifest what we think about….why not think about romance and love. Besides, it was clear to me that whatever my “stuff” with relationships was….poor picker, poor mate, poor at intamcy….no matter……relationships just did not bring to me what I desired. Which was? Romance and fun….and KNOWING, in every fiber of my being, that is was going to “work out” in the end. And you always know, when watching a “rom-com” that if it is NOT working out, it simply is not the end! How cool would that be.
But that was easy….singular, if you will.
How come I could figure that out….but when it came down to what I wanted to do with my life I was so damn indecisive?
Turns out I was not being indecisive at all….I was just a control freak.
We all are….until we aren’t.
There is a great line, one of many actually, in that movie.
Harry: There are two types of women. High maintience and low maintience.
Sally: Which one am I?
Harry: Your the worst kind. You are very high maintence but you think you’re low maintience
Sally: I just want things the way that I want them.
Harry: High maintence
We are not only control freaks but we all believe we are not.
So? What is your dharma….what is your purpose?
Why is this so hard?
The accertation here is the ‘cement buddha’ or, if you perfer, the River of Dreams……we’ve be pounded for so long by schools, institutions, parents who are by-products of the same consumerism machine and the government to ‘fit it’ …..that we simply have not thought about it….in my case….simply had not ‘thought’ for years….for myself. Actually decades. The matrix of others’ blueprints is confusing and overwhelming.
All, as in 100%, of control issues are fear based. And indecision is the worst…..with others around us in our lives….indecision controls them, to varying degrees….
So…..what do you want?
Even more befuddling is …’what are your two biggest personal pivotal needs?’
What is your heart’s desire?
Sadly, many of us don’t even know how to process this simple question.
Funny, when we were 5 or 6 years old….our response was instantaneous!
What matters is….Mark.. Fred…Joanne…”Are you happy?”
File that one under “C” for curveball for most people…..
If we hesitate on that one…..it’s a dead give away….”no”
AM I IGNORANT?
Then….BAM! Haanel hits me square in the chops…..in the intro to lesson 2 …..
“Our difficulties are largely due to confused ideas and ignorance of our true interests.”
OMGoodness……I don’t know what I want or what my heart’s desire is…..or if I am even happy……and it’s all linked to my confusion about what I want …..and what I am truly intested in – think dharma!
Then he blows me away …..
2-3: The subconscious soul, like a benevolent stranger, works and makes provision for our benefit, pouring only the mature fruit into our lap; thus ultimate analysis of thought processes shows that the subconscious is the theatre of the most important mental phenomena.”
My life is a movie, a reflection of the ‘subconscious theatre’ and …..it’s my autobiography……or I default to someone elses ideas.
Why would I do that?
Simple….I’ve got someone to blame….if I don’t like it.
Ut-oh…..we only get one shot.
Who can I really trust to design this movie? Really?
I remember the fear and excitement this revelation triggered simutaneously…..way back in the mid-90’s.
Then, like a bolt out of the blue…..I confessed…to myself….falling to me knees…..I was a control freak of the worst kind.
No idea what my needs were…..what I was interested in…..and as far as dharma, well, that was just too big.
And two word popped into my head as I re-read lesson two.
Just becoming aware that I was reacting to life ….by making a living…..and had not thought….as I did as a kid….about what I really want and how it would effect others around me was a treasure!
I get to be romantic…..to fall in love with the idea, the single thought that I have not been thinking ….and slow down….to learn to think….and with some consistent effort….I might discover what my heart’s desire is and how that may help me and by extension……those around me.
And, if I struggle…..so be it…..because…..in the end, like a “rom-com” it will turn out fine in the end…..and if it’s not turning out fine….it simply is not the end.
Confessing I was a control freak was about the best thing I ever did…..it did not stop right away……but as I was learning in the lessons…..I could either continue to try and control the world….or learn to control myself by controlling my thoughts…
So, all you fellow control freaks……you wanted control…..now you’ve got it…
What do you want?